To know me, you have to read me. Otherwise, I'm just like everybody else. Without identity. Choose well.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012


Feline mentality.
One of the 7 deadly sins is SLOTH. In layman's term, laziness. I am raised a Christian. Uphold the virtues of the Bible. Learned the value of religion since birth. Inherited the morals established from generations eons ago. Don't get me wrong, I am not here to talk about religion per se. As the saying goes, "It's rude to talk about religion." I was no good at it. Therefore I don't deserve the right to preach. I'm here to talk of one single truth... I never, really, truly, learned enough.

I breezed through my "knowledgeable" years unscathed. By knowledgeable I mean, knowing right from wrong. The time Eve ate the fruit from the tree of knowledge. When we first had the power to choose for ourselves. To decide on our own. When did you think it started? I could say mine was back in Kindergarten. As that's the earliest memories I have. Memories mark the souls existence. Or so I believe. Unscathed until now? Yeah. That is if you mean, I'm still alive. At this age, you should already know what being alive meant.

Auto-pilot. Sandbox. School. Embarassing moments. Bullies. Crushes. Graduations. Pocketbooks. Suitors. Gossip. Extra-curriculars. Honors. Square one. Semestral breaks. Group studies. Boyfriends. Friends. Plans. Setback. Work. Travel. Greener pasture. Depression. Deviation. Status-quo.

My life story summed up in one paragraph with 25 words. For my 25 years of existence.  And in order of occurrence. Shall I be painstakingly ostentatious? Go extensive? That's too long? It will bore you? Well, allow me to pester you one more time. :D

Excitement. New things. Learning. Twitterpated. Retaliation. Recognition. Fun. Attraction. Seemingly adolescent. Competitive. Deprivation. Reality bites. Unseen dream. Heedless trifles. Passion. Loquacious. Concocted affairs. Crossroads. Wrong decision. Deterrence. Regret. Renewed vigor. Lost hope. Emancipation.

My emotional stability summed up in one paragraph with 25 words. For my 25 years of existence. Again, in order of occurrence. You see, back in the sandbox, you only think of excitement, games, fun, and candies. Those are the best years that you don't really remember. Seemed like, you were on auto-pilot. Like in a dream. You do exactly what you would have done in waking moments. Only you forget it after. But then, life get's complicated. School was invented. Where all things happen. Where you meet all types of people. Good ones and bad ones. Where leaders and entrepreneurs are created. Even criminals and outlaws too. They go together because of human nature. Human nature. What exactly IS human nature? I believe it is to desire for superiority, fame, success, stability, romance. But what happens when in the middle of all that, reality bites. When you realize, that everything you planned your life to be is shattered. And all that is left is uncertainty. Endless, mind-blowing uncertainty. It becomes premature maturity.

All because you were too lazy to find your reason for living.

All my teenage life I have always thought I was cursed. For being such a pain in the a** when it comes to doing things I don't like but I have to do. As per a penitential rite during church ceremony, "I confess to almighty God, and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have sinned through my own faults, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do." A penance often said but rarely acted upon. I have been selfish. Outward indifferent. Living without caring for the rest of the world. I knew then. Even in my child's mind, that something is wrong. I told myself, this couldn't be life. After the books I've read and the stories I've heard, it's too calm to be true. I (arrogantly) thought, I think I'm ready for life. I think I am ready for obstacles to come. Even spoke it out loud on my own. Huh. I was utterly WRONG. be continued....


  1. Replies
    1. Hahaha. Never meant it to be so. Just relaying my side of the story. :D