To know me, you have to read me. Otherwise, I'm just like everybody else. Without identity. Choose well.

Monday, May 16, 2016

Her point of you

complex creatures
I have read from one of the circulating topics online that we should never get too attached to someone unless they also feel the same towards us. Because one-sided expectations can mentally destroy us. Indeed, that is true. In a strong and healthy relationship, those expectations would have already been met without the need to expect it. Surely both can have their own lapses, but it shouldn't be greater than what's essential. I suddenly remember a quote from a movie I've watched too. It goes something like this...

Charlie: Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?
Bill: Well, we accept the love we think we deserve.


We should not just accept the love we THINK we deserve. We should accept the love we DESERVE. You should know when you are dating the good guy or the wrong guy. Learn to determine if you are in a healthy relationship or a destructive one. But the eternal question is always, HOW?

There are a lot of books and articles written about it. Because we have to admit, that each of us have our own lapses. Our expectations from each other doesn't normally get met. But that is where constant communication and openness to feedback comes in. Because sometimes what happens, openness gets left behind when you were still friends and gets forgotten when you become lovers. By the time you are lovers, you tend to take each other for granted. If your partner isn't too happy, that shouldn't be a cause for the other to be demoralized and match that unhappiness as well. Don't let pride and prejudice get in the way. Every relationship is a learning curve. It's only a matter of perspective. As no relationship is perfect. Only two people who continuously work on it and fight for their love to survive is perfect for each other. This is not a one way street. It takes two to tango. We need guidance on what to do in a given situation. Hence, the endless advice, tips, and self-help articles out there. As there are only two outcomes for your actions; it can keep the love burning, or it can douse it.

I have been working on this blog for a few weeks now. It's still all over the place as I just wrote all this today from the scratch of notes on my desk. But I wanted to publish it and just edit it as time goes. I have gathered some expectations women have with their men. Some from the books and articles I've read. Some from other women's stories. And of course, my own experiences. This doesn't mean that women have to seek all of this from their men because, that kind of man does not exist. I repeat, that kind of man does not exist! But if you find someone who exhibits almost all of it, then by golly, you're one lucky woman. Keep him, if you already have him. And don't leave him at the friend zone, if not. Alright hotties? :D Well that is of course if the feeling is mutual. ^^

We can only expect as much from our partners, and likewise, vice versa for them. And the men should consider that, it still also depends on the kind of woman you have. If she's the emotional, romantic, cowboy, cool, one-of-the-boys, demanding, strict, go-with-the-flow, independent, clingy, anti-social, social, home buddy, outgoing, workaholic, lazy, worrier, or indifferent type. And others I could not remember to mention. She can be a combination of all as well. You know, women! *rolls eyes* It's all a matter of knowing your woman. And how to better please her.

I have gathered a list that I jutted down from time to time. Whenever I read or remember something. So it's not organized yet. This is not finished either. I just wanted in lieu of a mental note, a published one. Don't worry, I will also gather a list of the men's point of view. Hopefully, if I have time. Don't get me wrong, I am not a love guru. I repeat, I am not a love guru! Who am I to talk about love when I am just a beginner? But, I can always try. :)

We women think we deserve to be with someone who...

  • is there for you mentally and physically. For the big and little things. For the ups and downs.
  • puts your interest before his.
  • takes care of you when you're sick
  • is proud to hold your hand in public
  • would want nothing but to be with you everyday even if they cant
  • will try to like what you like even if its out of their character
  • listens to everything you say and remember the important ones
  • texts you back asap
  • doesn't take your needs for granted
  • buys you chocolate or ice cream when you cry, no matter the time of day
  • surprises you with little things like showing up unexpectedly
  • brings your heavy stuffs. Even your handbag, from time to time, no matter how silly they look
  • watches movies or TV shows with you when you want to
  • prefers talking to you most of the times than watching their shows
  • asks what you're thinking about when you space out
  • covers your head with his hand before it hits the wall or door or bed
  • does what he says he will do, like watch the movie you recommended, or listen to the song you shared
  • treats you as a partner for everything
  • builds a future with you
  • won't let you feel alone when you're together
  • is consistent with how they were back when he still didn't have you
  • will still be sweet like hug you or hold your hand after you had sex
  • covers you up first when it suddenly rains
  • is cool with a date where you read your books and he plays his game
  • stalks you online, in a good way
  • will fight for you
  • cooks you food when you cant, or cooks unexpectedly
  • wont make you feel inadequate with what you wear, your interests, physicality, and job specifics
  • is not VENGEFUL. Because love is not vengeful. He should not hurt you back if you hurt him.
  • can't wait to undress you TOTALLY regardless if you have no curves, ass, boobs, or stunning looks
  • is not PROUD. He should apologize first. No matter how silly or absurd the fight is about. And the women should apologize too right after. And admit how silly they were. Because women most of the times, are silly. And if both of you can't do this for the silly ones, how much more for the big ones? Right?
  • is expressive about what he feels like saying "I miss you" out of the blue
  • gives you compliments every now and then
  • will give you assurance from time to time about where you stand in the relationship
  • will pursue you when you feel like giving up
  • won't let you go without a fight
  • will not match your anger with anger
  • will be the first one to visit you when you're at the hospital
  • buys you flower/flowers on birthdays, anniversaries, or other occasions. Plus points if they have them delivered at your place, school, or work. *wink*
  • accompanies you physically or mentally to things that are important or nerve racking like medical exams, checkups, weddings of friends, job interviews, or church
  • is cool with splitting the bill on dates
  • isn't afraid, ashamed, or embarrassed of posting a picture with you on social networks. Most women like at least on special days, for you to do your own share of online professions of love. Even if it's just an "anywhere with you" kind of captions. *wink*
  • will check on you from time to time, at least just to know you're still alive.


to be continued...


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**This was written 8/2/2014. I forgot to publish it. Published it now but still unfinished. Will update this soon.**

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