Stuck in an abysmal limbo. Can't go back. Can't move forward. I now have what you call routinary. I now have all the time I could possibly get. I now have oblivion. Yet I detest all of it too. Indeed as per The Little Prince, "No one is ever satisfied where he is."
I was asked why I no longer wanted to move up. Why I prefer going incognito. I couldn't atone myself. So I had to write it. :D
Not that I no longer have plans for the future. Believe me, I have a lot. Probably why I couldn't concentrate on one. :D It is now more of, letting everything fall into place. I know it is common knowledge that we perpetrate our own destiny. That we do what we make of ourselves. Yada yada yada. But it is becoming arduous. Running after dreams that wouldn't present itself. No matter how hard you try to create them instead.
Since the time life coerced me to decide what I will do, I have never really thought about it. Due to a series of unfortunate events, I realized what is essential. Now that I DO know what to do with my time, I can't seem to engineer a way to go about doing it. What I want to do is not what everybody else want and need. I can not incorporate what Wally Lamb said in She's Come Undone that, "Children are not your children. They are the son's and daughter's of life's longing for itself." For it may prove true to the liberal youth, but not to the lot who grew up thinking of ways to alleviate the life of kins. I for myself, don't want to end up misemployed and be debauch by the fallacies of institutionalization in general. I don't want to live the rest of my life chained by the rules of proverbial poverty. I don't want to be. But you can't help it. You can't help but heed to the society's norm. You can't help but submit. I am not someone who was born with the resources to aspire dreams so trifling for the likes of us. I have to live with that. :D
So there's no option but to meet halfway. Give the government what is due to them. And the rest give to one's self. Stay immobile until you're free to move. Keep mum until you're free to speak. Works for me. I wont exert myself and "spend a lifetime earning things that I don't need." In time, with perseverance, and maybe with divine providence, I can go after what I really want to do and have. It is not achievements, awards, reputation, or greatness. It is simply to be able to live life to the fullest.
With that being said, I hope you could now fathom the logic behind what you may deem irrational and unwise. It is of course not for everyone. We have our differing priorities. I am not seeking to influence yours or anybody else's. I just hope you stand for what you believe in. :)