To know me, you have to read me. Otherwise, I'm just like everybody else. Without identity. Choose well.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Quoted phrases part 15

Of course he's happy; anyone who desires nothing is happy. -- The Winner Stands Alone by Paulo Coelho (book) 

If you believe in victory, then victory will believe in you. -- The Winner Stands Alone by Paulo Coelho (book)

Normal is getting married, having  children, and staying together long after all love has died, saying that its for the good of the children (who are, apparently deaf to the constant rows). -- The Winner Stands Alone by Paulo Coelho (book)

The mirror reflects perfectly; it makes no mistake because it doesn't think. To think is to make mistakes. -- The Winner Stands Alone by Paulo Coelho (book)

If sin achieves something good, it is a virtue, and if virtue is deployed to cause evil, it is a sin. -- The Winner Stands Alone by Paulo Coelho (book)

Life has many ways of testing a person's will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once. -- The Winner Stands Alone by Paulo Coelho (book)

A serial killer doesn't just threaten our physical safety, he threatens our sanity too. Because whether we like it or not, we all carry around in us a great destructive power.. The desire to take someone else's life. -- The Winner Stands Alone by Paulo Coelho (book)

Big promoters know that regardless of how much blood is being spilled in the world right now, people will always prefer photos depicting an ideal and inaccessible life of luxury. -- The Winner Stands Alone by Paulo Coelho (book)

Charlie: Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?
Teacher: We accept the love we think we deserve. -- The Perks of Being a Wallflower (film) 

Chicks dig hot guys who're willing to get naked for a calendar. But what they're really looking for is a guy who get naked emotionally. -- Glee S04E12 (tv series)

Do you know why they say your look is also a talent? Because it's something you can change with effort. There is no ugly woman in the world. Only lazy women. -- Dream High S01E08 (kdrama)

There are two kinds of angry people in this world: explosive and implosive. Explosive is the kind of individual you see screaming at the cashier for not taking their coupons. Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet day after day and finally shoots everyone in the store. -- Anger Management (film)

If one side was for sure 100%, that will not be a choice, but the actual answer. 50/50. Because it's hard, that's why it's called "choosing". -- Dream High

When a person looks at you, you're like this puzzle (rubix cube) that's all matched up. Perfect. Because its so put together and perfect, you can only hold it and look at it. There's nothing a person can do for you. Become like this (mismatched rubix cube), so that someone can help fulfill you. -- Dream High 2

Believing in everything at the same time is the same a snot believing in anything at all. -- Life of Pi (film)

Doubt is useful. It keeps faith a living thing. After all you can not know the strength of your faith until it's being tested. -- Life of Pi

What hurts the most is not being able to say goodbye. -- Life of Pi

Fear cuts deeper than swords. -- A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin (book)

They are too different and yet too much alike, and neither could ever stomach the other. -- A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin (book)

My entire life, people have always told me that I was stupid. And after a while, I started to believe them. It wasn't until... I walked in this room... and I joined this club... that I really started believing in myself. As soon as I started believing that maybe I was smart after all, I think the whole world did too. -- Glee S04E22

Sure it is (me). You've just never seen me like this. You... don't know what I look like when I'm not in love with you. -- Stephen to Elena The Vampire Diaries S04E11

If she asked me to stay, I wouldn't have left. If she had asked me to stay, I wouldn't have gone back. Why is it so complicated with you.. (girls)? Can't you just say what you want? --  Flower Boy Next Door ep 15 (kdrama)

Do you know how hard it is for a girl to ask first? You told me to say what I want to say.  Just say "okay". --  Flower Boy Next Door ep 15 (kdrama)

Belief, like fear or love. Is a force to be understood as we understand the theory of relativity. The principles of uncertainty. Phenomena that determine the course of our lives. -- Cloud Atlas (film)

These forces that often remake time and space. That can shape and alter who we imagine to be. Begin long before we are born, and continue after we perish. Our lives and our choices and their quantum trajectories are understood moment to moment. And each point of intersection, each encounter, suggest a new potential direction. -- Cloud Atlas (film)

I fell in love with... (her). Is this possible? I just met her. And yet, I feel, like something important has happened to me. -- Cloud Atlas (film)

Father-in-law: There is a natural order to this world and those who try to upend it do not fair well. This movement will never survive... And for what? For what? No matter what you do, it will never amount to anything more than a single drop in a limitless ocean.
Son-in-law: What is an ocean? But a multitude of drops. -- Cloud Atlas (film)

I need to be with a man who's sure of what he wants. And, that was never you. -- Prettty Little Liars S02E08. 

I want to. It's my disease. I just keep wanting to believe you. But how can I? When every turn you gave me reason to doubt you. I don't know you. I don't know that I ever will. -- The Vampire Diaries S04E18

I never had any intention of moving on. Truth is, I tried to stop thinking about you. But I can't.. What are you so afraid of?.. Wouldn't it be more accurate to say you are afraid of yourself? Your darkest desires.. Deep down, you long to have your perfect feathers ruffled. -- Klaus to Caroline from The Vampire Diaries S04E21 

Sometimes when something is going really good for me. I screw it up before someone else can. It's a habit I'm trying to break. -- Pretty Little Liars S02E12

Tina Fey lost her virginity at like 27, Okay? And she's pretty cool I think. You're gonna be mindblowing at sex! I mean, if your body can keep up with your mouth, you are gonna make some guys head just pop right off his neck. And being in love when you do it, only gonna make it better. -- For A Good Time Call (film)

You need to let go of the past. So you can have a future. -- Ice Age 2 (film)

Of course it's none of my business! That's why I need to know! -- Castle S04E10

Be bold! Mighty forces are gonna come your way. -- Pretty Little Liars S02E17

"Korra: What do you think I should do?
Mako: I guess you should do what you think is right. I support whatever decision you make.
K: Owwww thanks. Thats a BIG help.
M: I thought you wanted me to be supportive? Now you want me to tell you what I think? Make up your mind!" -- Avatar: The Legend of Korra S02E01

Hannah: I don't get it. You knew how long it took me to trust you again. Why would you ruin that?
Caleb: I didn't think you'd find out.
Hannah: Wow. Wrong answer. -- Pretty Little Liars S02E18

You seem embarassed by loneliness. By being alone. Its only your place to start. --  Sabrina (film)

Save me... You're the only one who can. -- Sabrina (film)

An easy solution is like a light and a storm. Rush forward with your peril for it might not always lead you to a safe harbor. -- Merlin S01E03



Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Letters to Juliet - Confusing Anxiety

Whirlwind Romance

It's been a along time since I last posted on my blog. It's been 5 months. Wow. What have I been doing? Ow yeah. I remember. I was in a state of stupor. The drugs finally addled my brain. Hahaha. Anyway, I have a new series of letters I am going to post. Finally! I have an addition to my collection. This time, It's my story. :D Stay tuned! ^^


____________________________________________________________________________

A message to him
177-G T.Padilla Street
Cebu City
August 22, 2013


Dear lovelife,


I had done some thinking. Which I'm sure you're well aware of. And I came to a realization that it only boils down to one single question. A question that most Filipina women do not ask. Something we usually wait from our men. I think it's something you wont know because it seems you didn't research on Filipinas and our culture like I told u too. Hehe. It will take a lot of courage for any decent Filipina to ask it. More especially to white men. As most of the times we're really just afraid we might not like the answer. And lose face. Haha. Do you understand where Im getting at? Probably no. Haha. (Talking to myself again.) This is something that is expected from our men. It's understandable if you don't get this logic since we must have cultural differences. (And I'm becoming a teacher now. Hehe.)

I'm getting really confused. And I hate staying confused. Its like some mind game. A battle of wills. If you have time to read my about me in [social network concealed] again, you will understand why. ^^ [about me concealed] I have my own personal reservations about this as well which also adds up to my confusion  (the stuffs I was thinking about that I didn't want to tell you). I wanted to wait for you to bring anything up that's why I wanted you to ask me one question but you didn't seem to take it seriously. Hehe. I'm not sure what you're reasons are or if you have any. But since you owe me one question, I'm gonna ask only one question too. And your answer will depend on where this will go. Or if there's any follow up questions.

This is me trying to get some peace of mind before you go. So I wouldn't have to think about bad things (if you know what I mean) while you're away because I have already laid my cards. I don't know if this is too early and if this will scare you off because right now, I just really need confirmation once and for all.
I have observed that you don't show feelings nor acknowledge anything emotional between us. And you probably observed the same with me. I can't even determine if there's a silent agreement that we are being exclusive or not. We must have our reasons and lets keep it to ourselves until we can sort this out. If we can. ^^

"INSTRUCTIONS"
I wanted to ask this in person but you didn't ask to see me so I'll just do it here. Please don't answer yet. No. I'm "ordering" you not to answer until you get back from Coron. (This is a serious request.) Do not text me as well as I won't be. Because I will try my best not to. And you know I'm driven. I want you to think about it. And also have fun there without having to be pressured at anything. You know just think about it. Haha. So I wont expect any text or msg from you until Thursday ok? If you don't have an answer at all by Thursday  I'll take it as a negative. And don't worry, I won't take it against you. (This is the extent of my awesome kindness. Hehe.) I'm sure you've realized I have quite a number of self-inflicted rules. But they always say, that's what makes me interesting. ^^ So after this lengthy disclaimer which can already qualify as a blog (haha), here's my question...

"What are we?/What do you want with me?"

This might be a lot of questions but if you really think about it, it means the same thing. It means one direct question that I didn't want to ask. Yet. ^^


Yours truly,

Leah

_______________________________________________________________________________


Everybody who knows me can attest that I am not the emotional type. Somebody even told me once that I am cold-hearted. Emotionally barren. Heart of stone. You name it. I have this facade of the unfazed, strong-willed, indifferent-to-the-world kind of aura that people deem as my strength. But is it? :)

I used to shy away from suitors. I remember during high school days, I even tore a letter given by someone I didn't like. I even asked a friend to return the girly stickers that came with it. Such a meanie. Or probably that was my defense mechanism of an affection that I am not used to having or showing. I come from a dysfunctional family where even saying, "happy birthday, happy mothers/fathers day, merry christmas" and the like is seriously awkward. Believe me or not, I don't believe I have ever greeted my parents on any occasion yet. That's how seriously low our emotional quotient is. I pride myself of being calm and composed. I don't easily get upset nor panic about anything. Except of course earthquakes and cockroaches. :D But there are things I can't handle very well. I can not handle people crying in front of me. Nor friends who are used to hugging. Or sweet couples on the street. I get uneasy. And I hate staying uneasy. I guess I hate things that destroy my peaceful disposition eh? :)

Then I realized that I can't stay emotionally unattached if I am searching for the one thing that I can not seem to have but have always prayed for. LOVE. Yeah. Such a big word. I am not a fan of big words. PROMISES. PLEDGES. OATHS. I don't believe in that. But I do believe in action. TRUST, LOYALTY, FAITH. Do you see the difference? Big words are just WORDS. While action is REAL. However, words without realization is empty. Realization without affirmation is confusing. The two must complement to reach a certain understanding. Give and take.

I had never quite understood the logic behind relationships. Because the only relationship I had that was close to love was friendship. Most of the times, I get them confused. And so gave me my self-inflicted heartbreaks. One-sided longings. Unrequited love interests. I vowed, after my last almost lover, that I will not fall again first. That next time, we must meet halfway. Ideal. But then as with ideals, it's also almost impossible. I have to change myself too. My expectations, perspective, and apprehensions.

I had been dating for almost a year now. I meet. I like. I fall. He falters. He breaks. I hurt. I move on. I meet. And it was a never ending cycle. I remember a quote I stumbled upon in my reading,

"I think that when we look for love courageously, it reveals itself, and we wind up attracting even more love. If one person really wants us, everyone does.But if we're alone, we become even more alone." -- By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept (book) 
This struck me. Indeed, it's true. You don't wait for love. You look for it. And you embrace it. And this is me braving the seas. I'f I am not there yet at my destination, at least I'm closer to it than where I was before. ^^


Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Short story: THE MAN WHO MOVED

Man in action


"I'm late again!" Hyacinth exclaimed while forcibly pressing the elevator button going up.

Coming on time to work was never her greatest suit. Now she wallows in self-loathing as to why she still had to do her tresses and make-up before finally picking up her worn-out NY&C brown handbag and hail a cab. Not to mention her everyday addiction in checking the greatest enemy of human conversation: social networking.

"Oops! Sorry!" She muttered an apology as she bumped into the delivery guy who was carrying a bouquet of her namesake mixed with white daisies.

"It is Valentines Day indeed." She concluded as she sighed from that thought. "For some people."

Cinth, as what she likes to call herself, is the real life adaptation of Anastasia Steele. Well, that's what she loves to think. That unconsciously beautiful, witty, curvaceous, independent, and principled character of the best-selling book Fifty Shades of Grey is someone she fervently believes was created with great semblance to her that is entirely coincidental. Not to mention, she was a virgin herself. A feat for someone her age. She is also the real life adaptation of Olive Penderghast. Or so she thought. That sassy, intelligent, loquacious, outspoken, slender, popular in the wrong way, and self-sacrificing lead character from the box office movie Easy A who she's certain was cut-out from the mirror of her own reflection.

She immersed herself in thoughts of love affairs and almost lovers while staring into space inside that cramped metal cube of an elevator. Caused by the pressure this Valentine season brings. She was reminded of her flaws, her disadvantages, her weaknesses, her incompetence, swirled in a mist of flashbacks and memories. Like some invisible hologram wrapping and immobilizing the body and soul. Startled, Cinth reverted back to the present as the elevator doors open at the 12th floor of that impeccable building of white doors and windows amidst gray walls. She realized she was the only one left inside. Looking dumb and soul-less.

It's another day at work, she thought while walking along the lobby. Another day of piled up paperwork and reports. The routinary lifestyle of the working class. Everything is the same as it always has been. Except for the hearts and cupids decoration posted on bulletin boards, some hanging on ceilings and walls. The least a company can do to upend status quo. She tiptoed stealthily to the corner of the floor towards her desk. But not before doing a detour in their pantry to get some hot warm decaf from the vending machine. Decaf because she can't have caffeine. She looked out for one thing with her eyes squinting and her lips pouting involuntarily. Trying to avoid the one thing she hates the most.

"You're late again!" Her immediate superior Shadler shouted every possible curse word there is in French. He thinks it's French. And ended it by eyeing her with raising eyebrows and a disappointed smirk.

"I'm okay Chad. I wasn't in an accident. I am so glad!"

She gave a big smile as she hurriedly walked away. Attempting to diffuse the bomb of a boss whom she secretly thinks bats for the other team. Knowing she can't win with charms. She always uses humor during dire times as this. Or else she will finally get a memo for consistently coming too early for the next day. "What the...!" She approached her desk wide-eyed and open-mouthed.

A bouquet of flowers sits just left of her LENOVO desktop computer, shadowing the collage of family pictures pinned in the 3-foot long cubicle walls. It was the exact same flowers she almost flattened earlier that day in the elevator.

Hyacinth Alexandra Claiborne forgot her name for a while staring at the miracle before her. 18 years (if we start counting at the age of 7) of waiting, hoping, disappointment, waiting again, trashing, and giving up on getting anything during Valentine's Day has finally come to an end. The ugly duckling has finally become a swan! Her inner goddess shines brightly as she picks it up and smelled its wonders.

She heard gasps and jeering from her workmates as they crowd towards her. Hugged, patted at the back, kissed at the cheek, and besieged with questions by the female ability to make something big out of anything.

"Who is it from?" Rose, the chinky-eyed, curvaceous momma, could not help but ask with a teasing glint on her eyes.

"Is it someone we know?" Queenie, the sexy and only single lady other than her in the department, asked unbelievably.

"Read the card!" Bristol, the ever so boisterous and gay, demanded like there's no tomorrow.

The card read:

Cinth, I hope this makes your day. I have longed for this moment to show you how I truly feel. Finally had the guts to throw caution to the winds. I have loved you for so long. I realized, I at least have to try and win you. Now if you will let me, please see me tonight at the place I wrote inside the envelope. Don't let anybody know where it is as I want your time all to myself tonight. I will wait for you. Always. Love, Me.

"Barf! So cheesy!" Arwin, another gay and humorous workmate, did not try to hide his disgust at such gestures.

"I bet he's from here! Because he doesn't want us to know who he is." Caterina, the oldest and wisest but still smokin' hot, interrupted without further ado.

"Tell us where it is. C'mon Cinth!" Seraphina, petite but strong, tried to work on me her convincing skills like how she scores a sale from one of her customers.

"Guys, thank you. But I'm not gonna tell you yet. I'll update you tomorrow." Happy and laughing I told them off and not without difficulty.

In a matter of minutes the place was back to normal. Everyone busy at back logs, papers, and printers. Some sneaking a personal text message or a phone call. Some eating while typing on computers. She smiled at the view that she used to ignore. While experiencing the overwhelming feeling of giddiness and fluttering in her stomach. Suddenly, everything was filled with flowers and confetti. Unaware that she looked so silly and spaced out.

"Get back to work Ms. Claiborne." She looked up at the towering figure of the new boss who makes everyone's day a tad gloomy. Mr. Allen Fitzgerald. He's working as their Chief Operating Officer. Who they mutely refer to as, Mr. Grumpy. Tall, dark, and handsome of about thirty. With wide shoulders and a fit torso. A finely chiseled face with strongly marked cheekbones. He looked especially dapper in a crisp navy blue suit over a white long-sleeved polo and silver tie.

"I'm on it boss!"

He must be having a bad day, she thought. He ignored her warm smile today when he normally acknowledges it. Cinth, who is the only one who can successfully placate Mr. Grumpy, got back to work with a slightly shattered imagination. Queenie shot her a look of suspicion. Then gave her a very naughty smile. She rolled her eyes and shook her head at her. Remembering the reason to illicit such a reaction.

It was a humid day outside her office building. She was going to get some lunch at a nearby burger place as she stepped out onto the pavement just outside the revolving doors when she notices she didn't have a cup in hand. In that moment of stillness and confusion to decide whether to go back and get a free soda from the vending machine or just buy one with the burger, a guy bumped into her from the back and she sprawled onto the floor with him. It was a nasty fall. Luckily she had the reflex to put her arm before her face or she would have had a bloody nose. Luckily too, the guy had the reflex to not run her over and rolled just in time to the other side as he fell. Unfortunately, the phone he was holding rolled itself to the side of the road, which dropped and swam in the pothole under repair. More unfortunately for Cinth, she got gashes on her arms and legs. Knowing that she still has to go back to work.

The guy he bumped into immediately rushed to her aid and helped her sit up on a nearby stone bench. "Are you ok??" He asked without a backward glance at his expensive busted phone. She immediately registers the godlike built and debonair face clad in Levis dark blue jeans and a cream-colored polo shirt.

Her heart skipped a beat. She swallowed hard. She's not sure if it was a second, or a minute, or an hour that she just admired this beautiful creature. But she's sure it was a while before she recovered her composure and replied.

"Ahhm. I'm ok. It's just some scratch."

"We need to get you to a hospital."

"There's no need. I can buy some band-aids in the corner. But thank you. And I'm sorry about earlier. It was my fault. I shouldn't have stopped in the middle of the revolving doors! Hahaha." Her usual attempt to diffuse the bomb that might be the cost of having to buy him a new mobile phone.

"Are you sure you don't need the hospital? Did you hit your head?"

"I'm perfectly fine."

"Then at least, let's go to the clinic."

"No really, I can manage."

"Please. Just come with me to the clinic."

Boy, this guy is persistent, she thought while smiling in surrender. I can easily fall for this man, she mused. The guy held her elbow and the back of her waist as they head to the clinic. It surprised her that there was a current from where he touched that ran to the back of her spine. She sensed danger. But she looked at him and realized he hasn't smiled at all. He looked white-faced ushering her with her bloody gashes like some silly paranoid boyfriend. She laughed at the thought.

"What's funny?"

"Ow. No. Nothing." She smiled that she didn't realized she laughed out loud.

They got to the clinic and the nurse tend to her. The guy didn't talk much. Just kept looking at her and the nurse. She tried to engage him in a conversation but he was being curt. She did learn he is Allen Fitzgerald and a trainee. He just came out to have lunch too. Didn't realize she would stop outside the revolving doors as he was trying to send a message to his friend. Now he won't be able to use a mobile phone for a while. It seemed to her that he was annoyed by the situation. "I'm sorry about your phone." She said apologetically.

"I can buy another one tomorrow." he dismissed her just like that.

She tried to use her charms to recover some of her dignity. After all, a lot of the guys she dated did say she has her own charms and sex appeal. Hyacinth is petite but has deceiving pair of limbs that looks as if she's tall. It is true that some women do look taller than what their measurements say. Plus she's slim and slender with curves at the right places. She has this beauty from her mother's Spanish ancestry mixed with her father's African-American edginess. Blessed with a naturally tanned skin and smooth complexion. She was a looker. She knows that partly and never really tried her charms out much. Unless she likes the guy. With this guy, she was way too much interested for her own good. But the guy doesn't seem affected at all. So it awoke the challenge in her.

"She's all good." The nurse said.

"Thank you." Cinth replied.

"Let's go." Allen offered his arm for her to grab onto. He must have seen her uncomfortably painful limp. Hmmm... thoughtful, she noticed.

She gladly slid her hands through her muscular arms. She does need some support especially with the bandages and the magnitude of people staring. Thinking, it's better if she is seen like this while with someone who will interest them more than a walking accident prone. Not that Cinth is the shy type. Far from it. But she is not overly confident either. She's assertive if the need be but knows when to shut up and observe when it is required. And she just observed they're heading on a different direction. They're heading towards the parking lot.

"I'll get you home." he explained sensing her panic and opened the door to his car.

"What? Wha.. wait! I still have to go back to work."

"You will not be able to work like that. Get in." He ushered her in the passenger's seat. He shut her door and went over the other side and sat on the driver's seat.

"Please put on your seat belt."

"But.. but I still have to notify my boss!"

"I will inform him."

"You will? Do you even know him??"

"I do."

He buckled her seat belt for her, started the engine and drove away. Out to the busy streets of New York city.

"Stop the car!" Cinth couldn't help but show the panic in her voice.

"I told you I will take you home. What's your address?" he continued driving like she never said anything.

"Do you really think I'd let a stranger take me home?? I don't even know if you are really working in LY Ent.! Even if you, ahm look like that, it won't make you less of a probable serial killer! STOP. THE. CAR. NOW!"

She's in her most dangerous state. Didn't even bother to think what her comment regarding his looks might seem to him. Nor does she care if she's doing the right thing if indeed he was a serial killer. This guy better not mess with her when she is in a super saiyan boiling point. The nerve!

"Whoa! Ok. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." he sighed and looked for a chance to pull over.

"I do work there. I mean, I will start working there tomorrow. I got transferred. I also know your boss you told me about earlier. We used to work together before he got transferred too. Here, let me call and notify him of your accident." He pulled over to the nearest available curb, asked to use her phone, and dialled.

Cinth's anger was ebbing away as she looked at him talking to her boss in that casual manner. It is now suspicion that replaced the hostility in her eyes. And as if by cue, he handed her the phone.

"Cinth, it's ok. You can get off work today. Take a rest. I'll have your deliverables done by Queenie." Chad was unusually being nice to her today.

"Thanks Chad. Tell Queenie I owe her bigtime!"

They hang up and she handed the phone back to him. She couldn't quite look him in the eye. She felt a little embarrassed by her outburst. But she wasn't sorry. She had a point.

"I hope you can tell me your address now." She could swear she saw a glint of a smile.

Another towering figure who stopped in front of her desk broke her reverie. He just stood there and didn't say a word. Looked at her and eagerly leaned his right elbow on top of her cubicle, looking smug. He is Matthew Lancer. Tall, fair, and lean. With chinky eyes and a clean-cut face. Which would have passed for a fine example of a well-bred young man.

"I heard you have a new admirer." he smirked.

"And why is that your business?" she retorted with a hint of bile.

"Ohhh... foxy! That's what I like about you." he winked.

"Oh for Pete's sake Matt! Don't ruin my day. I got work to do. Go!" she shooed him off.

You can hear his chuckles all the way to the other lobby. Matt is her colleague for over 2 years since she started working in LY Ent.. He's now one of the supervisors in the other department which involves customer service. He was the first person who she had made friends with. But he wasn't looking for a friend in her. At first, she got attracted to the smooth talking well-dressed man who never fails to give her a smile and a compliment everyday. Dropping by her desk and engaging in sweet little conversations. He finally asked her out one day. She almost said yes when a reliable source warned her about his monster of a girlfriend from the 11th floor and to not believe a word Matt says. The idiot! Fooling around and letting women's hopes up. Since then, she always tries to shove him away. She doesn't believe in the idea of cheating. How much more in the creation of it.

She shook her head in disbelief of the men who think they are a gift to all women. And went back leafing through the stack of documents that needed to be filed and reported for the day. Contrary to most in this situation, she loves her job. She likes anything that deals with papers, filing, reports, data, presentations, and office management. She must be destined to become a secretary. Well, she never really had that much ambition despite her over qualification and raw skills. Never dreamed of grand things. She only lives for the moment.

"♫♪ Munja Washong! Munja Washong! ♪♫" A text message came in. A ringtone she eagerly downloaded from the Korean drama she's been watching lately. She loves anything Korean. She is even planning to travel and stay there for a while someday.

The message read:
Would you like to have dinner with me tonight? :) -- Oliver

She blanked out for a minute. Or maybe it was five minutes. She couldn't tell. All she could think of was, why today? Why did he have to ask me out today? Is it because it's Valentine's Day? Or was it him who sent the flowers? Oliver Stanton is a guy she met 2 weeks ago. Chinky-eyed, lean, tall, with a shaved head and a goatee. Looks rugged with his motorcyle. He works as head nurse at a nearby hospital. They met from the latest blind date she was in. Her friends love to match-make her with their friends. But not one ever worked out. She's been single for more than 3 years now. No one can imagine her frustration. Most of the times, she just wants to kiss dating goodbye. But she doesn't lose hope. Unfortunately, hope springs eternal.

"Cinth!" She jolted at the sound of her name. Caterina, her best buddy at work, seated herself eagerly at the empty chair beside her desk. Grace, with her glowing pregnant belly, already took her maternity leave a week ago so that chair will be empty for a while. "Who do you think it is? Do you already have an idea??" Cat asked squirming in delight. Who apparently doesn't agree with her earlier decision to update them tomorrow.

"Honestly, I don't have any idea at all."

"You must have someone in mind! What about Matthew?

"Her girlfriend would kill him!"

"Hahahaha. Indeed!"

"Well, I was thinking it might be Oliver. But the letter seemed like he knew me a long time ago. So it couldn't be him."

"You have a point. But I know you would really like it to be him." Cat teased.

"Well, I really like him. You know that. And he just messaged me if we can have dinner tonight! Of all the days!"

"Noooo way! What about your secret admirer??"

"I know right? What am I gonna do???"

She had read somewhere, that life has many ways of testing a person's will. Either by having nothing happen at all, or by having everything happen all at once. And today is definitely one of them. She had been trying to find the boyfriend material guy with little success. Went into a lot of blind dates. Most of them just wanted her for her body. Most of them wants her to chase after them. Most aren't ready yet. Why did they even agree to a blind date in the first place anyway?? Huh! There were guys that she didn't like, or liked less or liked way too much. But something always happen, with the guy, or with her, and it doesn't flourish. It doesn't push through. It's like fate is conniving against her. Like somehow she is being reserved for something much bigger. A thought she would like to console herself with all the time. But now, she finally found the guy she always wanted. The guy that fits her needs. Physically, personality-wise, professionally, and emotionally. A guy who knows what he wants and goes for it. Who doesn't make her chase after him but pursues her instead. Shows what he feels and isn't shy about it. That is Oliver. But what will she do if she has to choose between Oliver and this mystery guy? This mystery guy who promises her a love so strong. Love without asking for anything in return. Someone who have possibly known all there is about her and still wants her. Which of them is Mr. Right?


To be continued...


Disclaimer: The Man Who Moved is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales, is entirely coincidental.

Monday, January 28, 2013

I want

In my fairy tale world.
Him: What do you want?
Me: I don't know...


Later, I realized that,


I want....

I want what every girl wants.
I want even the silly little things.
I want courtship.
I want dating.
I want candlelit dinners.
I want sunsets by the beach.
I want movies and popcorn.
I want flowers.
I want letters.
I want gifts.
I want you.

I want to feel I'm somebody elses.
I want possessiveness.
I want to be spoken for.
I want to brag your mine.
I want to be yours.

I want to be a fool.
I want to be jealous.
I want you to be jealous.
I want the petty little fights.
And then make up.
I want to cry.
With joy. Or with pain.
I want to laugh.
I want your smile.

I want to hold hands.
I want to hug.
I want to cuddle.
I want to kiss.
I want intimacy.
I want romance.

I want sincerity.
I want loyalty.
I want trust.
I want involvement.
I want your secrets.
I want to tell you mine.
I want to share moments.
I want a relationship.

A serious relationship.

But.

You will never be able to give me that.
We want different things from each other that's a fact.
I can't stand that type of pain.
I vowed I'll never have unrequited love again.

To quote: "I resisted you not for the lack of love. But because I was afraid of losing myself in it."