NOthing left but ashes. Ruins. Wreckage. They say lightning doesn't strike twice. I had been counting on that since we were fire victims the first time. I guess, that's a lie.
First fire. Monday. March 22, 2004. 11:00 pm. The night before my high school baccalaureate mass. I was graduating then that weekend. What a wonderful graduation gift you might say. Luckily I was able to save my graduation dress ensemble. But we lost A LOT. Imagine wall to wall houses of about 149 burned down. The worst of it was it was night time and the instant lights got cut off as wires got burned, with just 4 feet or less of road space between houses, how do you expect people to see their belongings? Nor even see where they're going as people were getting cramped? It was pandemonium at its best!
But then, yesterday at exactly 11:00am, August 9, 2010. Monday still. There was yet another fire alarm. A fire, alarmed when the sky was already blazing and filled with black smoke. (That's what you get with this type of government.) It was around more or less, the 7th fire alarm in our vicinity to date since I can remember. So you can say we were quite used to it by now. We have become more daring towards getting as much belongings as we can with lesser care for danger unless it's already our house oozing fire. 250 homeless. Another fire after just 6 years.
You know what we think about every time there's a fire alarm?
---It's... "NO, NOT AGAIN!"
And you know what concerns us during these times?
---It's... "HOW ON EARTH ARE WE GOING TO BE ABLE TO BUILD A NEW HOUSE FOR THE nth TIME???"
Yesterday I was rather calmer than how I was with the first fire. I was determined not to break down and cry. Not yet. Not when people need alert minds. I said, later, later when all people are already asleep. Then, I'm allowed to weep. It's hard. It really is. I feel like I'm in a really really long nightmare that I can't wake up from. I'm in denial. I just can't believe we are going back to square one. Suffering from something that's caused by other people! It took us 6 years to build another comfortable house before but it vanished after just a few hours. I think this time, It'll be more than that time frame. We are not wealthy. We don't have insurances and stuff. 3 out of 4 of my immediate family are homeless. And I don't even have a job to help! The only person who helped us before and will always will is my sister. And she is not rich either. We have burdened her for so long and we might be nearing the final straw. I keep on thinking that we might accidentally kill her with problems. GOD forbid!
Then people keep saying, "We understand what you're feeling...", "This too shall pass...", "There's a reason for everything..." yada yada yada. I say, no you don't understand! And you never will! Unless you experience the same apart from all the problems you have already been facing! Don't ever give me the bullshit of saying that there's always a rainbow after the rain. Because it has always looked rather gray to me for 23 years now.
Somebody once said, "You should trust life more." Huh! I was never the type of person who goes negative. Somebody had actually told me how I was able to maintain optimism. I was never the type to give up on life. I can even boast that I can cope fairly well. But this time... this time, I feel like I'm seriously cracking up. I can't even bear to look at the neighboring houses a few feet from ours. UNSCATHED. NOT that I want theirs burned too. NO NO. But it's more of, why ours were. Were we so despicable and indecent to be cleaned out? How could life be sooo unfair? How could we be the last houses burned? Why is it not possible to move it a little farther back? Is everything going to be too much to ask???
Don't ever suggest to build our house somewhere else at this time. Cause that is seriously distressing. Especially financially. Trust me, if you have a better alternative, we are more than welcome to hear it. As for now, we are stuck in this hell-hole until we are given enough time to get out. This is crazy.
The first fire was actually an adventure to me. One that I accepted right away with just a little resentment about the things I had lost. It seemed then as a new beginning. I told you I was rather optimistic. Well, I was not the one burdened financially. The adults I suppose did not feel the same. But the second time? The second time around, is MADNESS! An ABSURDITY! I am seething with rage. I don't know when I can calm down. But I surely will. Whether of my own accord or against my will. Let's hope it's not the latter.
THANK YOU for everyone who offered to help. But I don't think there's anything more you can do for my family now. We need shelter. And unless you have a portable house handy, I'm not going to bother you more with my misfortunes. Or, maybe, you can drop off canned goods I suppose. :D
NOTE: I'm sorry for writing it this long. But this is the only way I can vent it out. Blame it on my belief in the saying... Paper is more patient than men. :D